35 Fun Things To Do During A Final That You Know You Are Going To Fail


Next week we have an exams in classes before we leave again until next summer. As I sit here studying, I thought that maybe I could get some tips from those students who are closer to their graduation date than I am. Here is some of the advice I found. I hope it is helpful for you also! 😉

  1. Bring a pillow. Fall asleep (or pretend to) until the last 15 minutes. Wake up, say “oh geez, better get cracking” and do some gibberish work. Turn it in a few minutes early.
  2. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming “Andre, Andre, I’ve got the secret documents!!”
  3. If it is a math/science exam, answer in essay form. If it is long answer/essay form, answer with numbers and symbols. Be creative. Use the integral symbol.
  4. Make paper airplanes out of the exam. Aim them at the instructor.
  5. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, “I’m SOOO sure you can hear me thinking.” 
  6. Bring cheerleaders.
  7. Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About five minutes into it, loudly say to the instructor, “I don’t understand ANY of this. I’ve been to every lecture all semester long! What’s the deal? And who in the world are you anyway? Where’s the regular guy?”
  8. Bring a Game Boy (or Game Gear, etc…). Play with the volume at max level.
  9. On the answer sheet (book, whatever) find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative.
  10. Bring Fido – your stuffed seeing-eye hippo.
  11. Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor, say “They’ve found me, I have to leave the country” and run off.
  12. Fifteen minutes into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out “Merry Christmas.” If you’re really daring, ask for another copy of the exam. Say you lost the first one. Repeat this process every fifteen minutes.
  13. Do the exam with crayons, paint, or fluorescent markers.
  14. Come into the exam wearing slippers, a bathrobe, a towel on your head, and nothing else.
  15. Do the entire exam in Klingon!
  16. Bring things to throw at the instructor when s/he’s not looking. Blame it on the person nearest to you.
  17. As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it.
  18. Walk into the exam with an entourage. Claim you are going to be taping your next video during the exam. Try to get the instructor to let them stay, be persuasive. Tell the instructor to expect a percentage of the profits if they are allowed to stay.
  19. Every five minutes, stand up, collect all your things, move to another seat, continue with the exam.
  20. Turn in the exam approximately 30 minutes into it. As you walk out, start commenting on how easy it was.
  21. Do the entire exam as if it was multiple choice and true/false. If it is a multiple choice exam, spell out interesting things (DCCAB. BABE. etc..).
  22. Bring a black marker. Return the exam with parts of the questions and answers redacted.
  23. Get the exam. Twenty minutes into it, throw your papers down stand up and sing “Glory, Glory Hallelujah” and walk out triumphantly.
  24. Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If the instructor asks why, tell him/her in a very derogatory tone, “the light bulb that goes on above my head when I get an idea is hooked up to a clapper. DUH!”
  25. Upon receiving the exam, look it over, while laughing loudly, say “you don’t really expect me to waste my time on this drivel? Days of our Lives is on!!!”
  26. Bring a water pistol with you. Nuff said.
  27. From the moment the exam begins, hum the theme to Jeopardy. When they finally get you to leave one way or another, begin whistling the theme to the Bridge on the River Kwai.
  28. Come in wearing a full knight’s outfit, complete with sword and shield.
  29. Bring a friend to give you a back massage the entire way through the exam. Insist this person is needed, because you have bad circulation.
  30. Bring cheat sheets FOR ANOTHER CLASS (make sure this is obvious… like history notes for a calculus exam… otherwise you’re not just failing, you’re getting kicked out too) and staple them to the exam, with the comment “Please use the attached notes for references as you see fit.”
  31. Bring balloons, blow them up, start throwing them around like they do before concerts start.
  32. Try to get people in the room to do the wave.
  33. Bring some large, cumbersome, ugly idol. Put it right next to you. Pray to it often. Consider a small sacrifice.
  34. Complete the exam with everything you write being backwards at a 90 degree angle.
  35. Bring a musical instrument with you, play various tunes. If you are asked to stop, say “it helps me think.” Bring a copy of the Student Handbook with you, challenging the instructor to find the section on musical instruments during finals. Don’t forget to use the phrase “Told you so”.
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