Advice for Southerners Moving to Yankee Country

Things I’ve learned moving from the South to the North:

  • Just because someone is dead, doesn’t mean they can’t vote.
  • Every Yankee will think he is better than you. Don’t try to correct him. It will only shatter his petty insecurities and jealousies.
  • A Yankee sends her kids to an all-white school, works at her all-white job, comes home to her all-white neighborhood, goes to all-white cocktail parties where they talk about how horrible it is that the South is segregated.
  • The rough translation for “Youse Guys” is “Y’all.”
  • You will see bumper stickers which read, “If you don’t like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk.” (Take this VERY seriously!)
  • Never, I repeat never, put tomatoes in clam chowder!
  • If you satirize a Yankee, he won’t get it.
  • A raised middle finger is considered a courteous greeting.
  • If you are planning a wedding, don’t expect anyone to come. (And taking a second mortgage out on your already over-mortgaged home!)
  • For the price of a Rueben sandwich, you could own both Carolinas.

4 thoughts on “Advice for Southerners Moving to Yankee Country

  1. Funny story (regarding the second point): When we got up here (Ohio) we went to this place that offered services on a sliding scale so Kelley could stay on his medication. The place we went to had only one person that could write prescriptions for minors, between 3 locations, and he was a nurse practitioner. After a brief interview, he ascertained that Kelley, who had been diagnosed and medicated for over 6 years (since the earliest he could be diagnosed) indeed did NOT have ADHD and therefore did NOT need medication. Upon leaving he half-jokingly remarked that he “bet I thought I would just walk in and walk out with a prescription” and, here’s the kicker, he felt that “I would soon learn that they do things differently up here than they do in Georgia.” REALLY? Because nurse practitioners working at a sliding scale clinic in the north are so much smarter and more qualified than Georgia (and, I assumed, southern) DOCTORS? Idiot…

    Also, on the next point, this is true. It’s amazing the segregation and racism one sees up here, yet the general wisdom is that southerners are backwards racists.

    • Having lived in both, I’ve seen the best and the worst of people’s small-mindedness and prejudice toward the other. Personally, I always enjoy throwing a little “surprise” in their preconceived ideas. 🙂

  2. If you want to have fun walking down a sidewalk in NYC, just simply smile at people and say, “Hello!” Also works in Boston.

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