Things I’ve learned moving from the South to the North:
- Just because someone is dead, doesn’t mean they can’t vote.
- Every Yankee will think he is better than you. Don’t try to correct him. It will only shatter his petty insecurities and jealousies.
- A Yankee sends her kids to an all-white school, works at her all-white job, comes home to her all-white neighborhood, goes to all-white cocktail parties where they talk about how horrible it is that the South is segregated.
- The rough translation for “Youse Guys” is “Y’all.”
- You will see bumper stickers which read, “If you don’t like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk.” (Take this VERY seriously!)
- Never, I repeat never, put tomatoes in clam chowder!
- If you satirize a Yankee, he won’t get it.
- A raised middle finger is considered a courteous greeting.
- If you are planning a wedding, don’t expect anyone to come. (And taking a second mortgage out on your already over-mortgaged home!)
- For the price of a Rueben sandwich, you could own both Carolinas.